He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
