i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
