your parents love me but you hate me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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