I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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