So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
