I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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