I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
