3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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