he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
