I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize