You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
