Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
