I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
