If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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