Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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