I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
