So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
