I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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