Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
