is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
