someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize