Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
