i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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