my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
