I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
