my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize