Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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