I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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