Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
