I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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