Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
