but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
