Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
