So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
