Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
organizing the empties. That sober.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
