i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
