Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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