Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
