So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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