Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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