i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
