Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
