woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
