if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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