she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
