Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
