So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it glows. i had to have it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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