please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
