im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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