right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
