Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
