I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
