i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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