Umm I'm too high to move.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
