You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
