I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
