omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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