420 ftw
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
