don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
