remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
