i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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