Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
