theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize