piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
