fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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