discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
