I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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