Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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