i need an iv and a liver transplant
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
