Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
