He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
