Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
