I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
