I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
