I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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