Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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