fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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